race of joseph

hosanna

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:30:13 GMT

I am tangled up in contradiction
I am strangled by my own two hands
I am hunted by the hounds of addiction
Hosanna, hosanna

I have lied to everyone who trusts me
I have tried to fall when I could stand
I have only loved the ones who love me
Hosanna, hosanna

Oh hosanna
See the long awaited king come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Come and tear the temple down
Raise it up on holy ground
Hosanna, hosanna

I have struggled to remove this raiment
I've tried to hide every shimmering strand
I contend with these ghosts and these hosts of bright angels
Hosanna

I have cursed the man that you have made me
i have nursed the beast that bays for my blood
Oh I have run from the one who would save me
Save me, hosanna, hosanna

Oh hosanna
See the long awaited King come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Won't you tear the temple down
Raise it up on holy ground
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna

We cry for blood, we take your life
Hosanna
We cry for blood, we take your life
It is blood
It is life that you have given

You have crushed beneath your heel the vile serpent
You have carried to the grave the black stain
You have torn apart the temple's holy curtain
You have beaten death at death's own game
Hosanna

Oh hosanna
Oh hail the long awaited King come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Won't you tear this temple down
Raise it up on holy ground now
Oh hosanna
I will lift my voice and sing
You have come and washed me clean
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna

- Hosanna by Andrew Peterson, Ben Shive, Andy Gullahorn

Hosanna.

blast from the past

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:31:34 GMT

I found this letter, after quite a number of years. It was addressed to a few people. The letter-writer said other people were "sociable", had "a heart of gold" or a "wonderful personality", but this was for me:

Abigail, we've had a lot of arguments haven't we? Especially about religion. I must say that religion governs yours own personal life. It is your personal relationship with your god, though it does not govern the lives of the people who surround you. I must be quite the heretic, but its who I am. You may believe that you have found the answers in life, but I'm not satisfied with the ones I have. I am still searching for them, and that's just who I am. I will always be who I am, and no one can change me, though many have tried. I have views about the world around us, and though you may think they are wrong, they are still my views.

I had forgotten this had even existed. I don't know whether I should smile because I had the courage to talk about God, or cry because I sound like I was a legalistic Pharisee. Full of truth, but little of the grace.

And were we friends? Friendship is something that I still find difficult. There are the good things, delightful things, of course. But I wrote this in my journal not too long ago.

Friendship is like putting yourself at risk of a slow death every day.

Any relationship in which you love is the same. But it is worth it?

I wish I could put a full stop behind that previous sentence all the time.

I recently heard a message on why we should have friends (by friends I mean real friends, not people you simply smile at) on what it means to be a friend. Two things (out of many) I remember:

You should have friends who don't think too highly of you.

When I have to choose between you and me, I would choose you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 (NIV).

One thing I find hard about friendships is that they change, and if they grow intense and precious it usually means that they will become less so, with all the attendant misery of missing the friendship in that form. And then, time also makes things grow and die. Ah, one more thing from the sermon: friendships are based on something common, and the only thing that lasts forever is God. Not football teams, not classes, not working environments.

And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them
- Friends, Michael W. Smith and Deborah D. Smith

(The friendship message was from the podcast of breakawayministries.org, and based on the friendship of David and Jonathan). Other podcasts I have been listening to (doesn't mean I endorse them) include sermons from lifechurch.tv and marshillchurch.org.

On a less serious note, it's kind of fun to see my cousins start to like movie stars and TV shows and music groups. I never was really into the boyband/teenybopper thing; I guess my music has been confined to oldies and country and CCM for quite a long time now.

But I watched quite a lot of TV, especially in secondary school. I would watch three nights a week: JAG, 24 and CSI.

*frivolity this-is-not-the-way-you-usually-see-me alert*

Maybe I only watch TV for the stars, especially JAG, which descended into a soap opera ridiculousity from season 3 onwards, so it wasn't really intellectually beneficial. At least 24/CSI has some educational benefit. When I first saw the ads for JAG, I said to myself, "God did a really good job making him."

The way I see it, since you can't know their real selves, you evaluate them in the few ways you can, like looks. That's a major factor in how I choose clothes,shoes and American Idol favourites, too. :)

But not friends.

why i am like bella swan

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:53:57 GMT

If you don't know who Bella Swan is, you probably aren't a teenage (or slightly older) female who has gone ga-ga over Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I read the first, second and two-thirds of the fourth book on the first day of Chinese New Year (okay, I had to sleep at 2am to do that) and I have to say that it isn't really worth the hype. I didn't find it very interesting (even though I usually like fluffy books with happy endings). But what I do remember is the fact that practically every time Bella (the heroine) sees/exists in the presence of the guy she likes (Edward, who happens to be a vampire), she forgets how to breathe.

And that's what I forget to do. In lab. Because we're having problems with DNA contamination for my experiments, I have to be careful not to spit/spray/cough/sing/talk while I'm doing my experiments or I could contaminate my whole plate of tubes. So, sometimes while I'm doing my experiments, I realise that I hold my breath.

Other than lab, I've been on Twitter! It made me think about how much we're used to constant communication nowadays: Twitter, Facebook, smses, email, blogs, even phone calls. And even letters are delivered so much faster than they used to be. What would it be like to be living in a time where people travelled to other countries by boat. And took weeks to receive and reply each other's letters. Now we're irritated if we don't get a repy in a day. And sometimes you have to think which is the best way to say something. Face-to-face? Phone call? Status update?

But options can be quite fun.

I also watched a movie! Push, with Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning. Which was suprisingly enjoyable for campy loophole-plenty sci-fi. "His head will POP like a tomato," in a very bad Hong Kong accent. Better than Bride Wars. Or Becoming Jane. The people in the show have superpowers like telekinesis ("movers") and seeing into the future ("watchers"), but the most interesting and powerful one was to be able to put thoughts in other people's heads. Which means you don't know what is yours and what is not.

Hmm, sometimes I'm not sure if it was real or just a dream.

I know I haven't been blogging much, but here's just a bit that I thought I should do, since I sometimes think I whine too much:

10 things I thank God for (in this season... family and the like's a given)
-(idea from Jimmy Needham's MySpace Blog (Kris Allen reminds me of him.)):

The people who are in my lab. They are friendly and give me, the newbie, helpful advice.
Andrew Peterson. Seriously good stuff.
The running trail at the reservoir. One of the prettiest places here, I think.
The Assistant Sunday Service Manager
Emily of New Moon
New clothes and shoes
People who still want to be my friends. I'm surprised I'm still making new lasting friends.
Twitter
Yoghurt, maple pecan granola and lemons
Amusement in the world around me. Exhibit A (seen in the hospital washroom):

Okay, I cheated. There were sub-things. :) But I challenge you, if you have a blog, or write Facebook notes, just to write down 10 thing you are thankful for. Even the little things. Especially.

Time to clean up my room. I'm not sure where some of my clothes are any more.

these days

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:43:26 GMT

I know I should be updating more often, and I've been relatively busy- going out, going shopping, but most of all, going to lab. But maybe doing all this stuff means I have less time to come up with the little weird observations I usually blog about.

This semester I'm just doing a final year project and also clearing the last of my distribution requirements by taking Intro to Linguistics.

What do I do in lab? I'm not sure what to answer when people ask, "What are you researching?" Generally I go with something general most people can understand, like, "I'm investigating genes that are thought to be involved in coronary artery disease," unless I know you are a bio student or in medical school, then I use more technical terms like PCR, genotype, allele and prevalence.

And one day while going to the bus stop, I saw this:

A bald mynah? Or are they common, and I've just been very blur till now?

In church, I'm settling into my job as "Sunday Service Manager" with my lovely assistant Eric. It's not as tiring as leading small group. Our hope is that we have a "smooth" service that is... well... undistracting. My brother told me of this site of a church's technical director, and when I read it I was so comforted to know that there are other people in the world who care about how song lyrics should be aligned, where exactly to put back equipment and all those things that many people assume will happen automatically.

But from there I visited other sites run by other technical directors, and I realise again, that I've got so much to learn. Their articles are way over my head. Makes me feel like an inadequate last head. Sound-wise, I feel like I've been in a rut since I left JC (which is not very recent, sadly). I need to learn more from someone who knows. And experience more.

Oh, I've joined the twitter bandwagon, only I don't know if I'll keep it up. This blog is so sporadic because I think about what I'm going to write beforehand, maybe journal about the topic first, keep on turning the content in my head, and then one day when I've got it thought out enough, I'll write the actual blog post. I might keep it as a draft, refine it, and then add more, or less, and finally publish it one day. Or delete it.

I know I end up talking about music a lot somehow. 2008 was the year of good music for me. So much new stuff that I enjoy and am challenged by. And I'm glad to find that people still make entire albums of good songs rather than 2-3 good songs and 7 filler songs. (Oh dear do I sound very judgemental? Is there such thing as a "bad album" if the artist is really sincere? Topic for another day�) MySpace is a really great place to listen to music! I bought Josh Wilson's album mainly because I liked all the songs on his myspace player.

One of my new favourites is Andrew Peterson, who is also the proprietor of a collective website that sometimes puts up rather interesting essays and recommends other music and books. And whose new album I just bought. I was listening to it, going home yesterday; I must have looked slightly deranged, skipping along in the train station, but then, the song called me to dance. You see, when there is something so good, you have to respond. Somehow. In spite of. Because.

And something else I'm finding out: that to truly get the things that are deep and true, you have to work hard. They don't yield for one who doesn't care about them.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
-Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)

holidays

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 09:17:13 GMT

I've had good holidays, so the thought going back to work is still rather distant.

I went to Ubin!

the stuff that atap chee comes from, and a starfish from chek jawa

while we were on the way back; the view from house number one

Christmas is happy chaos. with food

christmas dinner; some fugu in Rakuzen

my aunt's sushi salad; ice kachang

and family.

Had to opportunity to spend time with beloved friends :)

Like now, I'm watching a melodramatic chinese serial (that I recorded for Clo while she was away and thus learnt how to work the DVD recorder) with Clo and laughing at all the wrong places. And making stupid comments to make us laugh. I think we're at our 5th episode now. Still got quite a few to go.

I was thinking about new songs and why we want to listen to new songs, even though the songs we already know are nice. I realise that songs are attached to memories, old memories. Some we want to remember, and some that we want to forget. If I listen to certain songs or CDs, I get reminded of a happy time, or a sad time, or certain people, and a certain place. But then there must be new songs, untainted by old memories- so I listen to new music.

back

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 11:43:43 GMT

Ah, exams over, been a bit busy and sleepy. Because I sleep alot. Some observations over exam time:

It is entirely possible to get sick of McNuggets when you eat McDonald's four or five times a week, which is what I do when I'm studying in the canteen, especially when I forget to ask for barbeque sauce, am too lazy to walk back and get some, and eat them all plain. YUCK. And I had Subway maybe thrice a week, with cookies. Haven't gotten sick of cookies yet, though.

Since driving home is the first thing after I do after I finish studying for the day, I look forward to driving- it becomes a treat, almost therapeutic- and I get to listen to the nice CDs I put in my car, too. So now, I like driving (except when there are nasty drivers on the road...).

While exams are going on, I flip through the papers every day because it's one thing I can do and not too feel to guilty about (since I should be studying...). One piece of commentary mentioned how some people got fired from their jobs because of inappropriate content on their blogs, and the author wondered why people put their diaries online to be read by anybody and everybody. And I thought, how silly. Blogs are clearly not personal diaries, and why anyone would want to put what belongs in a diary or in your head for the world to see is beyond me. I have a personal journal that you are not reading, and this blog is just a way I communicate with people, telling them things that I want them to know or don't mind them (whether I know them or not) knowing.

I found out how to turn off graphical smileys on my smses! After about 2 years of owning this phone model.

And my memory can be very, very faulty.

I also succumbed to surfing the net in the run up to exams. There was news here and there, ah, the elections. I've never voted for anything country-wide, and I won't have to vote anytime soon, but it's really interesting to see the perspectives of other people. Someone remembered his father this way:

I'm 8 or 9 years old, he's looking at me in the mirror as he ties his tie, and he's putting the flag out on our front porch, and he's driving me to the fire house so I could go along with him... to vote. He's telling me... "Jimmy, Freedom is Not Free. And your vote is priceless. Men and women have paid for this right for us with time away from their families, injuries to their bodies and souls, some with their very lives. Never, ever miss your chance to vote."

and I think of apathetic self, who doesn't really care about politics, about voting, about rights and all that, whatever that is, who doesn't even know who's in charge of her constituency. But our country is here, is independent, at a price, as well. Is voting such a privilege?

Yes.

This semester I had a little more time than usual. Usually I have just enough time- you know, I finish at 11am the night before night and get a good night's sleep and have a morning paper, or finish up one or two chapters in the morning before going for my afternoon paper. Yet this time round there were a few papers I had more time than I knew what to do with, say half a day left- so I drive home, wring my hands helplessly, and just read the newspaper.

Post-exam wanderings to:

my first chinese orchestra concert

And some food and drink:

milo, hot. which I practically always have in hawker center, who cares if it's a hot and humid afternoon or a late-night supper- milo milo milo for me; some bread pudding. I've never eaten my own bread and butter pudding yet, first attempt had no butter and my second smashed to pieces so no one could eat it.

In other news, Christmas is coming.

Yes, it is! I've been listening to Christmas albums since before exams started, so I'm looking forward to it. But what is it?

A holiday of sweets and meats, a time we show our love to family and friends through gifts. But first and foremost, the story of how God came down as a child so that He could save us. Way too often we forget how awesome it is that God became man, human, walked on this earth, and died on this earth.

There's this part that always gets me in oft-sung-Easter-and-Christmas-song We are the Reason:

As the years went by
We learnt more about gifts
And the giving of ourselves and what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
Because of love, because of love
- David Meece

So even if there's no carolling, no turkey, no presents (ah........)- there's still joy. To you, me, to the world.

After years of waiting, longing, aching
Salvation came through a king
He did not have a million soldiers warring for him
But he had power over all death and sin
Rejoice and sing
Rejoice and sing
The king is a child
This child is the king

before exams

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:33:26 GMT

So it's the last week of lessons, which means it's the week before exams. I haven't actually been very busy, surprisingly or not, but that's been the pattern this semester. There's stuff, but not that much stuff. And so alot of this are random happenings.

I watched a football game on TV for the first time in a long time, and I remember why I stopped watching them: I get way too involved and start rooting for the team I like, and then every ball is a possibility that it goes the wrong way (so I'm a pessimistic viewer) and my heart starts hammering. Bleah. At least if you watch sports live there are so many other things to distract you from concentrating on the game, which in my case, would be a good thing. At home it's you and the TV and some food, probably.

And it suddenly dawned on me that I've lost clothes. This normally never happens to me, because I am way too good at finding clothes (see my cupboard). But there are three things I bought in America: a Smithsonian T-shirt, a pair of Old Navy shorts and a belt, that I haven't seen for a while and I've tried looking for them. And it only irks me because I like all three pieces (if I lost a couple of white T-shirts I wouldn't mind- I have an entire drawer of them). Funnier is that I know I brought the latter two home and wore them in the first week I was back, but now... poof!

i had the brown belt.. it was great because it went with everything I had. Or at least I made it go with everything I had.

What else can I lose?

I finally found free parking lots nearest my school building. I know this is rather late and sad, considering this is my last year in school, but it was thanks to the library job that I found it: I started parking at the carpark nearest the library, but while there one morning I looked up to see my school building at the very end of the carpark! So if I park there it's 4 stories up to level 1 of my school building. Whee. Although it can be a little bit irritating when the trees in the carpark shed leaves copiously on my car. But convenience can be worth other inconveniences.

And I think I've been listening to more music ever since I came back, and I'm happy to find out that there's lots of interesting music that I enjoy still coming out (of course this empties my wallet a bit but I suppose I still spend less than if I had iTunes). You would think that after many thousand years of song we'd get tired of making music, but since things change, there can be new music. How delightful.

And music here refers to both tunes and lyrics... Lyrics that wrap around you silently, and grab you when you least expect it, and wake you up, and hold you there so you have to listen, for a while at least, and remind you that there is more to life.

I met the Queen of Iowa/ She was dying on a couch in the suburbs

-Queen of Iowa, Andrew Peterson

the girl who went crazy

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 17:01:08 GMT

She was standing in front of the screen, presenting something about Mars, about why we should cultivate plants on Mars, and then she suddenly burst out into bizarre, incoherent laughter- uncontrolled, like she suddenly found out the secret of hilarity not revealed to anyone else. And she didn't stop.

Her group mates, the listening students, even the professor wore slightly stunned looks. Is she mad?

She couldn't get herself back together for what seemed like a long time, then I suppose she realised that she shouldn't be laughing in the middle of a presentation, and she tried to calm down and continue with Mars, but her words fell out in dribbles and giggles. She had to turn around, hack a cough, try to start, and repeat. Her voice trembled as she finally strung together a few words, and maybe a little embarrassed, she was able to continue.

And when she came into the next class early, you could see the eyes of the few students who were there before her swing to her as she walked to her seat. That was the girl who went crazy.

I suppose it is a little embarrassing, to laugh like that- and if you've seen me laugh like that you understand that I just sound rather deranged. But it was funny. It was my fault for putting something stupid in my section of the presentation: that we wanted to cultivate plants on Mars so that the people on Mars would have a "hobby"- only it wasn't that funny, because word had originally been "companionship" (plants would be good company) and I think I was thinking of companionship when I laughed. Anyway, our project was the fluffiest anyway.

Perhaps this kind of thing will happen when I'm in some super serious interview, or when I'm giving a presentation to the boss of my boss.

It's fun to laugh.

I've run quite a bit in the past two weeks, since I did one 5K run at the beach park, and two 10Ks on two Sundays. Running must really been all in the mind- the routes were much, much flatter that the hilly track round the reservoir, but I took just about the same time to complete the track (and we take nice breaks at the ranger station when we go to the reservoir). I say I don't like running on the road, so I just run slower when it's concrete, and having no one to entertain me while running just leaves me bored.

So I tried to think of how running was like life (all highly clich�d comparisons).

There are rocks sprinkled on the trail, and some of the small rocks you can just easily conquer by stepping on them... yet there are really big rocks that you can sprain your ankle on, and it's much better to give them a wide berth rather than risk getting hurt. And you will get hurt if you don't.

And sometimes you feel like running, feel like your body's working well and that you can do this easily, yet at other times, when the piercing sun is in your eyes and the road is hard and you haven't had enough sleep, you don't want to run, but you still do, because it's good for you.

And running is better with friends.

Get well soon!

quote

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 02:58:49 GMT

(A long post, with many quotations.)

Ah it's already the 10th week of school, and there are essays to write, books to read.. Ah slight diversion: I still pander to my own quirks, like not writing in books. So I buy books but I don't write in them or highlight them. It's ironic because I treat my books badly, let them grow dog-ears and don't mind them looking shabby, but I can't quite bear to take out a highlighter to run over its lines.

...Notes to make, meetings to have, presentations to give. How hard must I push to get my grades? It's always a negotiation: how far can I postpone this till, how much can I not do, how long can I do my other things, and still work a respectable amount, enough to make sure I get my grades.

Additionally, I've been working in the school library, in collection development, which so far has meant that I recommend books to buy. I'm under the supervision of my school's subject librarian, so I scour the internet for related books that the library doesn't have. So this job includes doing one of my more mindless, favourite hobbies: reading catalogues. Lots of the books look nice, but I always wonder if there are mistakes in the book, if there's poor editing, and if someone missed something, thus down the road, misinforming some poor student poring over the book in the library. But even the best, most prestigious books (like MBoC) have errors- and I sympathise, because I know how hard it is even to get a short blog entry typo-free.

More on perfection: it's not that I discourage its attainment, but I think there's room for grace. Even for myself: yesterday I forgot to put the worship leader onto the groups, so her voice was only coming out of the auxes. So one of my friends came to the sound room to tell me (how bad the sound was). And I was grateful for that. I could have blamed the sound system, because it was really acting up yesterday, but I needed to look for my mistake and correct it.

More about friends telling friends, about being honest: after finishing Jane Austen's finished novels, I'm now on a project to see the movie versions. I borrowed Sense and Sensibility (the Emma Thompson one), and I was happy after watching it because it restored my faith in movies, after seeing so many not-so-good ones recently. The caveat is that the movie was made years ago, as was Emma (the one with Gwyneth Paltrow), which contained a scene that struck me. Funny where we learn our lessons. So, as always, we go back to the book:

While waiting for the carriage, she found Mr. Knightley by her side. He looked around, as if to see that no one were near, and then said,

"Emma, I must once more speak to you as I have been used to do: a privilege rather endured than allowed, perhaps, but I must still use it. I cannot see you acting wrong, without a remonstrance. How could you be so unfeeling to Miss Bates? How could you be so insolent in your wit to a woman of her character, age, and situation?-- Emma, I had not thought it possible."

Emma recollected, blushed, was sorry, but tried to laugh it off.

"Nay, how could I help saying what I did?--Nobody could have helped it. It was not so very bad. I dare say she did not understand me."

"I assure you she did. She felt your full meaning. She has talked of it since. I wish you could have heard how she talked of it-- with what candour and generosity. I wish you could have heard her honouring your forbearance, in being able to pay her such attentions, as she was for ever receiving from yourself and your father, when her society must be so irksome."

"Oh!" cried Emma, "I know there is not a better creature in the world: but you must allow, that what is good and what is ridiculous are most unfortunately blended in her."

"They are blended," said he, "I acknowledge; and, were she prosperous, I could allow much for the occasional prevalence of the ridiculous over the good. Were she a woman of fortune, I would leave every harmless absurdity to take its chance, I would not quarrel with you for any liberties of manner. Were she your equal in situation-- but, Emma, consider how far this is from being the case. She is poor; she has sunk from the comforts she was born to; and, if she live to old age, must probably sink more. Her situation should secure your compassion. It was badly done, indeed! You, whom she had known from an infant, whom she had seen grow up from a period when her notice was an honour, to have you now, in thoughtless spirits, and the pride of the moment, laugh at her, humble her--and before her niece, too--and before others, many of whom (certainly some,) would be entirely guided by your treatment of her.--This is not pleasant to you, Emma--and it is very far from pleasant to me; but I must, I will,--I will tell you truths while I can; satisfied with proving myself your friend by very faithful counsel, and trusting that you will some time or other do me greater justice than you can do now."

Poor Emma! I think she's a more better heroine than say the Elinor or Marianne or even Elizabeth Bennett because she's more fallible and therefore, more realistic and easy to identify with.

There's this song that I like, from downhere's latest album, about why we do things that we don't want to do.The first line got me, because it was true:

I'm learning to stand the more that I fall down,
It's the law of inversion, and it's all turned around,
And I'm staggered by the clash inside my soul,
So purposed for good but inclined for evil

It's justice and mercy the old dichotomies,
All along the frontlines of my heart in both doubt and belief
The sinner and saint, the old arch enemies,
All at war, in me

I was born depraved, but created for the divine,
With death in my bones, in my heart eternal life,
I'd love for Eden, but I'd kill for Rome,
I'm native in a land that is not my home

You are the beginning, and you are the end,
Into your great reversal, I am born again,
A beautiful redemption, you leverage even sin
In me your final victory, I know you'll win

Into light, from the shadows,
Into life, from the grave,
Into love, Into love

-All At War, Marc Martel, Jason Germain

Now indulge me for a moment while I talk about bands and singers that I like, and why.

There are bands with nice lyrics, and bands with nice music, but not often both. I whine about X's songs sounding all the same, or Y's words being unoriginal and clich�d (it's good that I do, or I would buy even more CDs).

I like downhere not only because the songs are good, but that they put in effort to better themselves. I realise that there are many factors that go into albums and songwriting and performance, and I'm sure artists always want to improve, but sometimes, it just doesn't happen. Here's a quote from the drummer, from his blog, regarding their new album that came out last month:

When we went into the studio in January to start recording in earnest I was really concerned that we didn't have the right songs yet. As an artist you always want to be improving in your craft - we felt like our last studio project Wide-Eyed and Mystified was the absolute best album we had recorded up until that point, and I wasn't sure we had material that would result in a stronger project this time around.

Well, I was wrong, and the Lord showed is faithfulness to us once again. I can confidently say that I feel like this new album is our best album yet. The musical variety, lyrical depth, and overall accessibility of the 13 songs collected on this project are second to none in our repetoire.

(Was doing on online survey about job preferences and one of the things that I hadn't really thought about before, but ended up putting quite high on my list, was that I wanted to be in a company that I was proud to work for. I want to be proud of the things that I do, that I represent.)

And about going back to the Book- the quibble I have with the new album, Ending is Beginning, is that they didn't put Bible references for their songs. They were in the first three albums, but they've disappeared. Pfft. SCC does it, and I like that.

In the end, as nice as songs are- even if I listen to them daily- there's still the need for me to read my Bible and pray every day.

perfection

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:21:46 GMT

I've been having some thoughts: We often want to emulate the successful, the popular and the oh-so-shiny organisations and programmes, but we tend to worry about what happens when things don't go right. What we do may be for a good, even noble cause, but there aren't any results, not results that other people would see and say wow to. Does it mean that we're doing it wrong? Maybe, but not necessarily so.

'The Bible's greatest stories are cast with unlikely characters who descended to greatness. The book of Hebrews features a roll call of faithful heroes who never saw the successful consummation of all they believed for. It's clear that God's Word rejects the idea of measuring success solely by numbers, popularity or even the achievement of a desired end. Instead, scriptural success is defined by one thing: faithfulness.

You may "find your calling" and discover that your calling is to fail: to give to those who only take, to speak to those who will not hear, to love those who won't know how to receive your love. You may find that your calling will daily break your heart and leave you feeling like you're holding back the darkness with a tattered book of matches. You may find that you are called to join what J.R.R. Tolkien called "the long defeat," to fight with no assurance of winning, but to fight nonetheless.'

- "Finding Your Calling In A Cup Of Coffee", Jason Gray

We were having worship and prayer night for small group and so we sang many songs. And we were tired, we had to hurry, we played wrong chords, sang in the wrong key, laughed and got distracted (oh the horror) while we were supposed to be singing to God. Music-wise, it wasn't all that fantastic. But I could still sit and smile and laugh in the midst of singing, you know, because I think God could still look at us with our trembling hands and voices and even self-consciousness, and still smile. Smile, at us, who try.

Someone recently said that there's no room for perfection in church service. Not only are all these people volunteers, but if God looks at the heart more than at the final results, then who are we to judge people by final results. I'm learning to relax and give more leeway to those around me and even to myself. Excellence is great, perfection (whatever our idea of perfection is) is nice if we attain it, but that's not the only thing, or even the first thing, that we should look at. Do you agree?

In other news, I realise that I shouldn't do essays on poems I like. I decided to write my essay on the two poems I liked the most (from the given list) but I've pored over them so much that I don't want to read them again since I'll be reminded of the copious amount of pretentious meaning out I conjured out of their lines. They were just simple, beautiful lines that I enjoyed reading. but now it may be months or years till I want to read them again.