Been having some conversations about being cynical and jaded, especially in the church context. I'm a bit young, I know, but then, I've been in church a while,  been doing stuff for a while, and I know that people are people.

The thing is to remember that God is still God.

Some skepticism is healthy, but there is a line I often cross into bitterness faithlessness. But I don't want to stop thinking, to stop marveling at how God still works everything for the good; I don't want to stop thinking and just be dopey-happy.

I don't want to lose my way.

I found a song:

For the First Time, Again (Jason Gray, Jason Ingram)

I’m tired of the sound of my own voice
I’m weary of adding to the noise
I’m fearful of missing the point of it all
I remember the way it used to be
The way this love felt like the first day of spring
And I want that back more than anything in the world
It’s as cold as winter in my veins
But I long to feel the summer rain
Can you take me back to where it all began?

Jesus I come, I come to you again
Like it was the first time I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again

I’m jaded from all that I have seen
I’m bitter, but I don’t want to be
I’m believing, can you help my unbelief?
Sometimes I think I know too much
But even then it’s not enough
Can you take me back so I can move ahead?

Jesus I come, I come to you again
Like it was the first time I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again
For the first time again

Take me deep inside the grace that forgets
Instead of down the well-worn path of my regrets
I’m older than I’ve ever been
Can you take me back and make me new again?

Cause I need you now, as much as I did then
Jesus I come, come to you again
Like it was the first time
I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again
For the first time again
For the first time

“God’s redemption plan is already in effect. It’s not for ‘someday when,’ it’s for right now, in this moment. Even when the worst is happening, the seeds of its undoing are already sown. In fact, they were sown the day the body of Jesus, like a seed himself, was laid in the ground.  What took root on Easter is the undoing of the curse, and it is flowering all around us if we have eyes to see it.” --Jason Gray

We have hope.

Oh, this looks like a very emo post. But it's just late at night, and it's only one of the many things that run through my head. I shall go sleep soon.

(Check out this and other Jason Gray songs at http://www.facebook.com/jasongray)