I found this letter, after quite a number of years. It was addressed to a few people. The letter-writer said other people were "sociable", had "a heart of gold" or a "wonderful personality", but this was for me:

Abigail, we've had a lot of arguments haven't we? Especially about religion. I must say that religion governs yours own personal life. It is your personal relationship with your god, though it does not govern the lives of the people who surround you. I must be quite the heretic, but its who I am. You may believe that you have found the answers in life, but I'm not satisfied with the ones I have. I am still searching for them, and that's just who I am. I will always be who I am, and no one can change me, though many have tried. I have views about the world around us, and though you may think they are wrong, they are still my views.

I had forgotten this had even existed. I don't know whether I should smile because I had the courage to talk about God, or cry because I sound like I was a legalistic Pharisee. Full of truth, but little of the grace. 

And were we friends? Friendship is something that I still find difficult. There are the good things, delightful things, of course. But I wrote this in my journal not too long ago.

Friendship is like putting yourself at risk of a slow death every day.

Any relationship in which you love is the same. But it is worth it?

I wish I could put a full stop behind that previous sentence all the time.

I recently heard a message on why we should have friends (by friends I mean real friends, not people you simply smile at) on what it means to be a friend. Two things (out of many) I remember: 

You should have friends who don't think too highly of you.

 

When I have to choose between you and me, I would choose you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 (NIV).

One thing I find hard about friendships is that they change, and if they grow intense and precious it usually means that they will become less so, with all the attendant misery of missing the friendship in that form. And then, time also makes things grow and die. Ah, one more thing from the sermon: friendships are based on something common, and the only thing that lasts forever is God. Not football teams, not classes, not working environments. 

And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them
- Friends, Michael W. Smith and Deborah D. Smith

(The friendship message was from the podcast of breakawayministries.org, and based on the friendship of David and Jonathan). Other podcasts I have been listening to (doesn't mean I endorse them) include sermons from lifechurch.tv and marshillchurch.org.

On a less serious note, it's kind of fun to see my cousins start to like movie stars and TV shows and music groups. I never was really into the boyband/teenybopper thing; I guess my music has been confined to oldies and country and CCM for quite a long time now.

But I watched quite a lot of TV, especially in secondary school. I would watch three nights a week: JAG, 24 and CSI.

*frivolity this-is-not-the-way-you-usually-see-me alert*

Maybe I only watch TV for the stars, especially JAG, which descended into a soap opera ridiculousity from season 3 onwards, so it wasn't really intellectually beneficial. At least 24/CSI has some educational benefit. When I first saw the ads for JAG, I said to myself, "God did a really good job making him."

The way I see it, since you can't know their real selves, you evaluate them in the few ways you can, like looks. That's a major factor in how I choose clothes,shoes and American Idol favourites, too. :)

But not friends.