So I went off on a holiday to that fabled land. It didn't strike me how amazing it is that Stella won the Krispy Kreme competition- and that she had brought me along- till I was sitting in our room in Graylyn trying to take in how much Krispy Kreme had put into the Fan Fest. Amazing. But as to how I got there- well, let's start somewhere near the beginning of the trip:

Day 0:

 Took an early morning flight, which stopped by in Hong Kong. From Hong Kong to Chicago, I got to sit in an exit row because the guy who was supposed to be there sat in my seat instead, and it was too troublesome for him at the window seat to come out when we were trying to finish boarding. It was my first time in Hong Kong, and it was foggy/misty. The plan was simple: sleep as much as possible, because when I landed in Illinois I would have to stay awake for the full day. I did listen to one Mark Driscoll sermon, but only one, because they're rather intense.



Day 1:

Landed in O'Hare and took so long to get through customs (queue + the guy was wondering why I was going all the way to Deerfield- to see my friend's pastor- from Australia- what is he doing there- studying- have you ever met him- in Australia-) that my bag was already taken off the carousel. So I was a bit late meeting Pastor Chris and Stella when I came out. It wasn't that cold out- only -2C and there was a light swirl of snow. I'd never really seen piles of snow- well, I sure was gonna get that here. 

We went ahead to the idyllic suburb of Deerfield to Chris' house where lunch cooked by May Yen, his wife, was waiting for us. I think this was Stella's favourite part of the IL leg: eating home-cooked Chinese food. Stayed awake planning our next few days, and in the night we took a drive to Guitar Center to do shopping for Korkor.

Despite the fact that I had stayed awake the whole time, I still woke up at 3.30am. You'll see evidence of my sleepy self later on.

Day 2:

Launched into sightseeing (I was way more enthusiastic than dear Stella) in the city. One thing about this trip: we seemed to arrive just in time to participate in guided tours, special performances etc in most places we went. At the Field Museum of Natural History we had a highlights tour- and guess what, there were Singaporeans on the same tour we were in. Good thing for the tour, too- the museum was big, too big, and we only covered about a 1/4 of it?

We saw Sue, the most complete T-Rex skeleton ever found- finally, after all that dinosaur frenzy when we were young- and lots of taxidermied animals. And, there are maneless male lions- did you know that? And we went through a particularly heavy-going exhibit on Ancient Americas, but later, Stella would say that she felt that this museum was the best because it wasn't so dumbed down as the others.


After that we went to the Shedd Aquarium and saw beluga whales, dolphins and sea lions in addition to lots of other small fishes. I mainly wanted to see the belugas.


We went back most nights for more home-cooked Chinese food so Stella could recover from all the fast food she ate in CA. She ate In-N-Out; I want to eat there too. I've heard too much about it from SCL.

Day 3:

Today was another day in the city with a visit to the Museum of Science and Industry, where we went on a WOW tour, seeing the highlights and a bit of the behind-the-scenes work (like the security camera hub). We saw the only German U-boat captured in the war- yes, it's a real one, had a coal mine tour, saw an Omnimax film on the Tour de France. Well actually it was more on the will to win. There was also a feature on what goes into setting up a company- very forward thinking for a children-centric museum! We did so much there that that was the only museum we went to that day. 


Day 4:

We went for a lecture at Chris's school by a well-known lecturer, passing by the neighbourhood where Michael Jordan stays. After that we headed back into the city. We were more artsy and went to the Art Institute which was was surprisingly comfortable to be in- I don't like art museums in general because there always seems to be an air of stuffiness. But I still don't understand modern art.

After that went to Millennium Park which had this thing that is not called the Bean and we took photos and watched people skate in the outdoor skating rink. But generally we never stayed outdoors long. Although by this time May Yen had lent me her Steven Madden down coat so I was feeling warmer- but Stella's ears were not.


Then we made an attempt to hear the blues in Chicago, its birthplace, but we went to the House of Blues and there was no early show, and we headed for where the guy there said there would be blues but it didn't open till later than we were willing to stay, so we gave up hunting the blues and ate dinner at a high-end Mexican fast food place (whose name I can't remember) set up by Rick Bayless, who is some sort of celebrity chef there. My sandwich was pretty good; Stella's was a bit tasteless, though.

Day 5:

We went for a counselling conference at the school that Chris goes to. Mainly, from it, I remember that we should sleep 9h a night- I wish- but I was tired, I fell asleep for bits after lunch. When we came back I felt I had to take a nap, and when I woke it was time for dinner with a Chicago-style pizza, which is basically a pizza triple-stacked with ingredients, oozing with cheesy goodness. Chris got a spinach and tomato one which tasted good and I suppose was less heart-attack inducing than one with meat and salami would have been.


Day 6:

Somewhere in the week Stella did ask how did the African Americans come to America, and I said, by boat. And then I thought I really should take her to the DuSable Museum of African American History which I had wanted to go on Day 3 but skipped for lack of time. So we did, and there wasn't so much on the slave trade as Stella would have liked, but there were exhibits on the regions of Africa, African-Americans in war, the blues and the civil rights movement.

After that we headed to the Magnificent Mile, famous for its shopping, and I went to the famed Neiman Marcus but I have to say it was underwhelming (finally, a use for that word). We didn't have much time but we did stop for lunch at Kamehachi, a restaurant recommended by the guide I lugged around every day. And it was good, udon soup on a hot day, dragon roll.

Then we continued on our blues quest and were successful in locating a joint that had an early show with a Chicago native singing the blues. Stella laughed when he came on stage, though, because we came all the way here and he wasn't black. Not that it knocks his performance,  complete with gravelly voice.

But I fell asleep while sitting there listening to him. Tried not to show it too much but I was nodding off. Eating a key lime pie didn't help. And on the train on the way back I definitely slept.

Day 7:

Church day; a little late for service and a lot of Taylor Swift on the drive there. We went to Willow Creek, which is pretty famous even in this part of the world. Missed the first song, but arrived in time for the meditative part- where the people sit, the girl sings a song, someone comes out with thoughts, there's time for prayer, and the girls comes out and rounds up the song.

So, about these production values. I can see that they value production- everything flows in, the timing is planned for the lights, lights match the mood of the song, song matched the theme of the sharing etc. It's just great when you can see that people put thought into putting the service together, although some might say it's too much thought.

The sermon was on not being sucked in by consumerism. Ironic when this was going to be our shopping day. Didn't get to see the rest of the building because we were going to get bundled off for lunch, but there were water features in the lobby. And I don't mean water fountains. 

Lunch was at an Asian supermarket/food court hybrid with reasonably good food. Headed home for a breather before May Yen drove us to Pleasant Prairie, which is actually in Wisconsin- so, I rack up another state- where the big outlet mall is. May Yen is amazing at finding stuff like like J. Crew corduroy pants for $6.95 or a Ralph Lauren gold suede top for $9.95 (formerly $1,XXX).

I bought the most, including new hiking boots from Timberland. I liked my shoes so much that for the rest of the trip I would periodically catch myself staring at my feet because I liked looking at my shoes. I wasn't going to get them at first, but then went back at the last moment to get them, and the salesman said, "Where's your friend? She was cute." Says me: "Yes, cute and also married with three kids."

(He was referring to May Yen and not Stella, don't worry.)

There was bak kut teh dinner then sleep.

Day 8:

A leisurely morning packing, heading to the airport, flying to Greensboro/High Point (I hadn't flown a plane this small since we were flying round Malaysia when I was really young), and being met at the airport by:


Start of the amazing international fave fan fest experience. It's not that it was huge (only 8 winners and their guests, and only 2 days) but you can see the planning that went into it- the logo up even at the airport's information screens... We're brought to the hotel by a man from Ethiopia who runs ABC Transportation- not an incredibly innovative name, to be sure- to Graylyn- our hotel. Which used to be a mansion (and still is, really). Which would explain why the bathroom is bigger than most other hotel rooms. And why our shower has 17 heads (1 on top and 4 X 4 on the sides). Why are beds are immensely comfortable.

But not why Stella's bed has one red shirt and one green shirt:


We spent this day relaxing- doing nothing as a real treat from the planned frenzy of Chicago. We opened a hamper full of food and gifts, had tea/dinner at some corner library, had our first glimpse of some of the guests.

Day 9:

Basically, the next 2 days were doughnut-filled, like the cupboard. There were doughnuts and doughnut shaped board tables, chairs, sculptures, trophies etc.

It was breakfast (served with doughnuts) then onto the bus for the trip to the HQ. Oh yes, there was police escort because in front of us was the original 1937 delivery van. And then when we swung into the compound there was the Wake Forest pep band to lead us in, and a throng of pom-pom waving Krispy Kreme employees to greet the bus and all the winners as they bounded off the bus. Stella, representing Australia, usually got to go first for everything. Brave girl.

There was even a TV crew and they ended up being a news item on local TV (they interviewed the guy from Canada, who, incidentally, was the only male winner in attendance). (Stella was the only female who brought a female as her companion, for another random factoid).

Up to the board room to meet the high-ups, and get a brief history lecture (while eating doughnuts). Lots of picture-taking and pin-giving. I think after that we went to another KK building which was the place where they made the mix. Stella got a lab coat with her name embroidered on it. We had lunch at the mix plant, 50s diner style with burgers and dogs and we sat with a nice man from international marketing whose name was Steve and he was in charge of logistics.


I think after that we took a look at Wake Forest University, the big university in town, and it was snowing pretty hard (for North Carolina) and we took photos. Then we went to the Lawrence Joel Coliseum, where Wake Forest basketball plays (this is the school that Tim Duncan came from) and we saw the men's locker room and got to bounce balls on the court and take pictures with the mascot. Plus Stella got a small sponge basketball.

The day had not ended yet! We went to a newly renovated store and were served something only available in the US, Kool Kreme ice cream:


which meant more calories. Whoa.

At the store the mayor of the city came to meet us and he also gave the winners a plate from the city (you're starting to get the idea why Stella had to buy an extra bag to cart home things she had acquired on the trip) and issued a proclamation that it was International Fan Fest Day in Winston-Salem. You can't accuse them of not making this special.

Whew, writing all this down is tiring. We were finally given a short rest at the hotel before we went to the Old Salem Tavern to have a nice dinner and before dinner, to be entertained by a comedian-cum-magician called Amazing Andy whose day job is plastic surgery. Stuffed full to the gills (with a pretty awesome plate of beef ribs) and off to a good night's rest.

Day 10:

This wasn't such a busy day- but still had a visit to Old Salem, to learn more about the history of the town and the lifestyles of the Moravians (tempted to buy a Confederated cap from the store) and to see the street where the first Krispy Kreme store was.

Then we went to the equipment manufacturing plant where, after the tour and the doughnut-making class, Stella and all the other contestants had a chance to design their own doughnuts (they all knew what they were going to do already- well, almost all) to be presented to the CEO and other esteemed members of the managerial team. Well, I suppose this is the closest I'll ever get to Iron Chef.

We were told to make one more than the number of panelists, and Stella and I then started eating the last one while the others presented. Only to find out later that the winners were supposed to take photos with their doughnuts and so in all the photos our doughnut is the only one that is half eaten. Oops. They got more presents, a metal licence plate and a coffee mug.

Back to a hotel (another present: metal plaque) for a rest before the cocktails and final awards night dinner part. Oh, they had taken pictures of us in the morning and had printed out one to be put on our beds by the time we got back.

At the dinner there were lots of celebratory feelings, warmth and appreciation. A quick video of the happenings of the past two days. All I can say is that they sure put in a lot of effort and money and time into this (and only for 16 people, 8 of whom may not like your product because they're just guests). Housing us in the best hotel in the city, giving us food, food, switching on machines and making a few hundred doughnuts for the doughnut class, CEOs and top management seeing them more than once- everything.

Day 11:

Well then wake up the next day somewhat recovered, and this is when I thank Stella for bringing me, because, yes, getting to be here is amazing and she's one of the 8 special people in the world who won this contest.

In the morning we went to the mansion opposite, Reynolda, which is now an American Art Museum but used to be a residential mansion for cigarette magnate R. J. Reynolds's family that supported a whole village nearby. Well-designed, I say, and then there's the more understandable art. And, Frederick Remington's Rattlesnake. It's there, in a sleeping balcony. Usually you only read about these things.

Then off to the airport for our jaunt to DC! We landed, and took the train (not too hard) and when we were there Pentagon station was closed because some guy, about 20 minutes earlier, had shot 3 people just outside a station entrance. So the train just skipped the station. Landed at our hotel, Red Roof Inn- chain hotel and I found the room on special on an external website so I wasn't too hopeful- but we got 2 double beds. Across the road for some spicy Thai food. I like the way Americans do Thai food, maybe it's because it's sweeter than at home.

Day 12:

We went to the Holocaust Memorial Museum and it's raw, even the second time round. People kill people. And again and again.

Then we trekked round most of the monuments: Washington, WWI, WWII, Korean War, Lincoln. At the latter we managed to hear a short ranger talk, and then he played MLKJ's famous speech while we stood on the steps just a few levels down from where he stood.


That's one of those times when America seems like a land of tremendous possibility.

At night we went to see NBA- home team lost by about 30 points.

Day 13:

On this bright Saturday (I don't like sunny winter days- it makes you warm on the side the sun is shining and cold on the other. Weird.) we met Ami who was at school with us. She works just outside DC. We went to Eastern Market for breakfast, where we gave up on the idea of pancakes due the what may be the longest line for food I've ever seen, and settled for soup, and then later, crepes.

We went to Pentagon City to buy Stella's bag (the mall looks like a mall in Seattle) and then walked around the zoo and saw pandas. Ami's sister joined us here. Walked a lot, and there were swarms of people at the zoo- it was the first day of really nice weather since the snowmageddon stuff, I believe.

Took a short look at the National Cathedral before heading to Georgetown, a hip and happening part of DC, for tapas at a Spanish restaurant called Bodega. The squid ink paella wasn't bad. Ami's friend and colleague joined us here too. Dessert was at a cupcake/muffin place. The carrot cake muffin I had was good but the icing a bit too sugary. A night out with some of DC's fresh, young professionals. We had a good time. We were also going to try out a jazz bar, but there was no parking (after a day of repeatedly finding incredibly good parking spaces, this was probably a sign we should go back and sleep. Which we did.)

Day 14:

Sunday. First we met Kristina, who holds 4 passports (obviously none of them are from here) and is interning at the Capitol. Then we were picked up by Amos, a black lawyer who had been to Stella's residential college on a fellowship for a year. He took us to his church, a black Baptist church. And I have to say, being in one of them is a unique experience, from musical and other points of view. But I think this was the longest service I had ever sat through- well over 2.5 hours. Though Amos said it wasn't usually this long.

We had lunch at a Neapolitan pizza place uptown and then dropped by his apartment for a short look before heading our separate ways. There was a lot of talking and interesting assertions made this day.

I wanted to look at H&M, but Stella is the one who ended up buying stuff for herself. After that we went to Five Guys, the local burger chain, for a bigger, drippier version of what tastes a lot like a Burger King burger.

Day 15:

Ah, a new week. We went to the Capitol where I got upset because the security person made me get rid of my water bottle which was empty and it was my nice CamelBak one that I bought in Seattle and that I like a lot.


We took a tour, we went to the Senate gallery (nothing was happening though). We met Kristina for lunch at the staff cafeteria of one of the congress buildings. Chili again.

Then we got to the Museum of American History. It really amazes me how they've managed to keep such random things, like George Washington's epaulettes. And now they have a use, inspiring the nation.

Stayed till closing then headed to watch the ice hockey game. The home team was on a 13-game home-win streak which got broken that night. We got to see extra time and a penalty shootout, so our tickets were as worth it as they could have been. I ate this BBQ pork and pickle while watching the game. 


I like watching ice hockey, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's seemingly graceful, the way the players glide over the ice: stop, start, whack like they're fixed on firm ground not cutting their way through ice. They're good.

Day 16:

Had to wake up relatively early to get the flight to Chicago, from there to Hong Kong, back home.


It was a long trip, journaled, read, listened to 4 Breakaway sermons, slept, ate. Tempted to buy Muji stuff at the Hong Kong airport.

So I came back home, loving the humidity. I really did look forward to coming home, even after all that fun and quality time with Stella. Having photographers in front of one's face can get old fast and one can't live for being cheered for by strangers all one's like.

I'm sorry if I didn't do some parts justice. This entry has taken over 2.5h and I'm going to put more photos (and less words) on facebook.

I signed up for a 10K and and 15K run and they took place on consecutive Sundays. I was quite pleased with both runs.

After the 15K, as I was milling about in the cool-down area, an older woman (as in, 30s?) came up to me and said that I was an inspiration to her. And she was a stranger, so I was rather taken aback, and she hurriedly explained that my long plait was easy to spot and she had basically followed it for the entire race- so I had helped her run her race. Or rather, my plait had. (Her bib had the name jennychui on it.)

I think she was rather lucky to pick a person who runs at a more-or-less steady pace- and that I'm not one of those runners who sprints like crazy till they're tired, then they walk... and repeat. (Not knocking the run-walk people- those people are in a different category).

Like life? What, if going through our lives, we manage to help other people. Some consciously, of course, but maybe there are people who are travelling in the same direction, but need a little boost, a little inspiration, and look to us, and they see something that keeps them moving towards the goal, towards the prize. And not because we put out signs that said, "Follow us!" but because the we had something that made us noticeable- in a good way.

I had been thinking about cutting my hair (really, there seems to be a threshold length my hair has crosses, and people suddenly start mentioning my hair; the other day, the supermarket security commented on it and then walked away). And if I had, she would have had a different race. Hopefully she'd have found some other way to keep her motivated.

So I was good for her, in her race, to keep her going. And that's what I hope to be to people. That I help them move in the right direction, and don't confuse them.

So whoever you are, I hope I'm good for you.

Also, I'm doing this 13-week church course called "Disciple's Prayer Life: Walking in Fellowship with God", where we learn more about prayer. It's one of those with 5X a week homework. One of last week's assignments was to write your own Psalm 23 (making a point about how we are all unique before God). Since we aren't familiar with the sheep-shepherd lifestyle, we could frame our relationship with God in other ways. The example in the book was "The Lord is my Professor..."

Since I'm not exactly inundated with work, I conjured up three versions, following the template pretty closely. But you must note, I'm not familiar with being a chef or with hiking across mountains, so that might defeat the purpose of the exercise. Quite cheesy, but it could be your amusement for the day. Sorry for the inconsistent capitalisation and punctuation.

ONE.

The LORD is my Sunday Service Manager, I shall not lack a plan.

He has given me a role in the service

And the sound room to hide in when I'm tired,

 

he restores my sanity.

He wakes me up early on Sunday mornings

For his name's sake

 

Even though there are

Sundays where things get into an uncontrollable mess

(where is the announcer? And why did the monitors suddenly go off?)

I will stay calm

For you are with me

The training and the knowledge you've given

 Will keep me in good stead.

 

Your message still gets through

In the presence of incessant feedback

You pour out your Spirit still

And the people respond to your overflowing love

 

Surely you make everything work out in the end

Every single service

And I will serve the LORD in his house

Forever.

 

TWO.

The LORD is my trail guide, I shall not want direction.

He leads me to views of majestic mountain vistas,

And we run along clear, running streams,

 

And the beauty of world speaks to my soul.

He leads me down the right paths

I cannot help but speak good of him

 

Even though we cover treacherous ground, and sometimes I lose sight of him,

I'm not afraid of losing my way

Because you are always paving the way for me

Your map and your compass,

They orient me.

 

You provide me water and food

When I am weary and parched

You hand me an oatmal cookie on the trail

The crumbs spill out of my mouth

 

The trail has been well-marked out for me

For every single day that I am to be on it

And I will follow it to the age to come.

 

THREE.

The LORD is my head chef, I shall not lack knowledge on how to cook.
He gives me a well-equipped station,
with a stove and a sink,

 

he keeps me calm.

He teaches me good fundamental techniques
for his name's sake.

 

Even though I work
in a chaotic, steamy kitchen with too many orders and too few cooks,

I am not afraid of the challenge,

Your recipes and the presence of other kitchen staff,

they assure me.

 

You prepare a table before me

In the presence of demanding customers

You drizzle my desserts with a flourish of chocolate sauce

The exclamations of satisfaction make my heart burst with happiness

 

Surely balanced flavours and nutritional value will characterise my food

Every day that I cook

And I will work in the kitchen of the LORD

Forever.

 

The thing about doing not much, is that you don't get too much to think about. But there was a newspaper feature not too long ago that reminded me of something.

The story was about how 2 journalists had posed as a fighting couple in four  (?) venues, the man abusing the woman, pulling her hair and treating her violently. The report mentioned that most local people didn't interfere, and when people finally intervened, all but one were expatriates. Now, isn't that sad? Don't we have enough moral courage in us to defend someone being abused?

But then, I think, what would I have done? Plus, it does make a difference that I'm a girl, right? I wouldn't be able to physically restrain the guy, and is it serious enough to warrant dialling the emergency number? Ask another passerby to do something?

But then, I remember, I didn't do anything. It was a year or two ago, maybe, and I was taking the train back from church, and there was this man and a girl, probably his daughter, of primary school age, and a younger boy, sitting across from where I was standing. The father was scolding his daughter, saying she was bad and worthless and she was crying in the corner seat. Now, everyone in the carriage felt bad- but what would we do?

Then he took her head by the hair and rammed her head into the plexiglass divider with a loud thud. 

For a second, I'm not really sure I believed it happened. I did think about doing something, going up to the father and saying you shouldn't do that and then I thought about what would happen after that? He'd get angry at me, then when they got home he'd take it out on her/them for embarrassing him in public and it would just be worse for them. It's not like my intervention would make him stop doing something. No one else moved, really, and I think we didn't even dare make eye contact with each other.

So I stood in my corner and prayed. They got off before I did. I went home and took a nap. 

I'd forgotten about this incident, really, till I read the papers. What would have been the right/best/wisest thing to do? Not that I can save the world-

I've also been reading church history (well, up to the first 800 years) because I'm attending a course on early church fathers. What strikes me is how often these people were ordained against their will (or at least, they protested) and how it's the individuals' stories that make for the most interesting reading. Yet their stories are short. Barring those of a few megastars, like Augustine, the lives of most of the other remotely famous people get described in a page or two, even though by anyone's standards, they lived full, significant lives.

Everyone else doesn't even warrant a footnote.

But God remembers all of us!

We are a cathedral made of people
A kingdom that the eye can't see
We're a house, we are the bride
That God's Spirit lives inside
And nothing ever
Can stand against her

-Cathedral Made of People, downhere

I was relaxing by watching DVDs. Actually, re-watching.

I admit, it's not very intellectual. It's the Magnificent Seven TV Series, a shoot-'em-up Western that only lasted 2 seasons. But, since I was thinking about small groups during that time, here's 7 reasons that the Magnificent Seven are like a good small group.

1) It's a small group of people.

2) They stay together because they want to. Not because they want to keep up appearances, or because it's just become a habit. They could leave at any time, but they don't. 

3) They stay together to help other people. They don't look inwards, they look outwards. (In the story they are hired by the federal marshal to protect the town from rabblerousers and greedy ranch owners.)

4) They help each other along as well. When one falls, all the rest are there to get him up and in the right direction. (Okay, they don't always protect the town because one or two of them get into trouble in each episode, and so the rest of them have to ride off somewhere and rescue their friend/prevent him from making the wrong choice/shoot alot of bad guys dead etc.)

5) They are honest with each other. (Yah, so they threaten each other and trade barbs but they say what they mean and mean what they say.)

6) They are all individuals with their own traits but they set aside their differences for their common purpose (see 3). (It's not quite often that a series has 7 leading men... and each one has his strengths and weaknesses. Of course that comes at the expense of some subtlety because each one can be titled pretty accurately- the Kid (the newbie from the east), the ex-slave Healer, the Preacher (Ron Perlman, pre-pre-Hellboy), the Gambler, the Sharpshooter (Eric Close, post-Dark Skies and Now & Again and pre-Without a Trace), the Ladies' Man, and the Man (Michael Biehn, post-Terminator and pre-alot of other stuff).

7) They grow together. (Good thing it's a series- over time you can see that they accept each other more, overcome prejudices and risk more for each other.)

I know it's only a TV series, but hey, learn from anywhere right? And I finally figured out whom I think Chris Tomlin looks like: Michael Biehn. I think it's the cheekbones. 

Ah, a song.

"Wrecking Ball"

Just when my tears were falling deep enough to drown
Down in the valley of the shadow of a doubt
When I gave up that's when He came to lift me out and set me high

When I saw it as a gift of matchless worth
I started thinking it was something I deserved
He pulled the rug from underneath without a word and left me dry

Piece together these little mysteries
It isn't hard to see the writing on the wall
Triumph and tragedy, only God can be
Both the builder and the wrecking ball

He gave them freedom and a fertile promise land
They took for granted their deliverance at hand
Thirty-nine years later they're still walking through that sand
Wondering why

And He builds it up
And He knocks it down
Just to build it up even stronger

                                                     -Jill Phillips; written by Andy Gullahorn

Been having some conversations about being cynical and jaded, especially in the church context. I'm a bit young, I know, but then, I've been in church a while,  been doing stuff for a while, and I know that people are people.

The thing is to remember that God is still God.

Some skepticism is healthy, but there is a line I often cross into bitterness faithlessness. But I don't want to stop thinking, to stop marveling at how God still works everything for the good; I don't want to stop thinking and just be dopey-happy.

I don't want to lose my way.

I found a song:

For the First Time, Again (Jason Gray, Jason Ingram)

I’m tired of the sound of my own voice
I’m weary of adding to the noise
I’m fearful of missing the point of it all
I remember the way it used to be
The way this love felt like the first day of spring
And I want that back more than anything in the world
It’s as cold as winter in my veins
But I long to feel the summer rain
Can you take me back to where it all began?

Jesus I come, I come to you again
Like it was the first time I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again

I’m jaded from all that I have seen
I’m bitter, but I don’t want to be
I’m believing, can you help my unbelief?
Sometimes I think I know too much
But even then it’s not enough
Can you take me back so I can move ahead?

Jesus I come, I come to you again
Like it was the first time I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again
For the first time again

Take me deep inside the grace that forgets
Instead of down the well-worn path of my regrets
I’m older than I’ve ever been
Can you take me back and make me new again?

Cause I need you now, as much as I did then
Jesus I come, come to you again
Like it was the first time
I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again
For the first time again
For the first time

“God’s redemption plan is already in effect. It’s not for ‘someday when,’ it’s for right now, in this moment. Even when the worst is happening, the seeds of its undoing are already sown. In fact, they were sown the day the body of Jesus, like a seed himself, was laid in the ground.  What took root on Easter is the undoing of the curse, and it is flowering all around us if we have eyes to see it.” --Jason Gray

We have hope.

Oh, this looks like a very emo post. But it's just late at night, and it's only one of the many things that run through my head. I shall go sleep soon.

(Check out this and other Jason Gray songs at http://www.facebook.com/jasongray)

I haven't blogged for a while. No astute observations lately, perhaps, or, instead of saving things up for blogging, I just twitter and update facebook, and don't bother to put together a coherent piece of more than 140 characters.

So they say I've graduated. Funny how this feels- almost nothing. Although I like being on holiday, I can't picture myself not studying anymore for the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure I will eventually start studying again. There is something thrilling about seeing textbooks and reading new information, so much so that I feel a twinge like I'm missing something when I see other people read notes and books while taking public transport. That used to be me.

Actually, until quite recently. After lab ended, I had to prepapre for some standardized tests and I've had to study for them: dredging out math knowledge and mugging vocabulary lists. It's amazing how many words there are in the dictionary, how so many words have different inflections and insinuations.

Learning will never end.

Other new things that I've done recently include

1) Prawning- catching prawns in a purpose-built pond, then twisting off their pincers, unhooking them and eating them salted and barbequed

2) Fishing- catching fish along the jetty, getting their scales all over and my finger all fishy-smelling, and putting them in the icebox

3) Playing with wordle.net, a word cloud generator. It makes really good-looking things that I wouldn't be able to by myself. This was what was generated from the recent RSS of my blog; it emphasis the right things:

4) Watching a Korean drama- Boys Over Flowers, to be exact, because Patty said Carol and I owed her after having her watch Hannah Montana the Movie with us. I sat through episodes 1, 2, 13, 14 and a bit of 15 in one day. It's super-cheesy and hilarious, much more so than Hannah Montana, even with the latter's computer-generated butterflies. Carol and I laughed so much at the sentimental bits Patty and Grace got frustrated with us. I appreciate some romantic movies (like Pride & Prejudice) but this was WAY over the top. Though I suppose it feeds people's cravings for romantic cheese (like Twilight). Who wouldn't want 4 handsome guys protecting/chasing/joking with/breaking the heart of one girl? HM. But I admit that I went home to watch episode 25 (the last one) to ensure that Patty's convoluted explanation was right. She was right: it was convoluted. Otherwise, TV time is almost a novelty now that American Idol has ended.

Okay, so I'm going away for a while. If you want some amusement, visit Stuff Christians Like for hilarious church stereotypes. :) being a PK does have its perks.

I've finished my laboratory project. Now I just await my grades, which will come out at then end of the month. We're assessed based on a 5000+ word paper, and presentations we make on poster day. While reviewing material for poster day, I digressed and made a list of non-technical things that I realised or learnt while I was in lab.

"You" refers to the scientist.

1) Science is not objective.

2) It's quite easy to fudge results, if you want to. Or at least cheat a bit. (Is there such a thing as cheating only "a bit"?) Thus it is important for scientists to collaborate closely, so that there's a higher chance someone will discover you if you don't do things properly.

3) The only thing stopping you from getting more results is yourself. You could stay in the lab all day, and devise new experiments, and read the literature, and never leave your lab.

4) Sometimes you don't solve the problem, you go around it.

5) You can make many different mistakes even for simple things. The only hope for you is that you don't repeat your mistakes too often.

6) It's easy to get caught up in just doing your experiments and not caring about the big picture view.

7) You must manage your time or you waste much of it. It's up to you to be disciplined.

I think much of this could be transferred to any work context.

It's time for this abandon to make much of You and less of me

- Jimmy Needham, A Breath Or Two

I am tangled up in contradiction
I am strangled by my own two hands
I am hunted by the hounds of addiction
Hosanna, hosanna

I have lied to everyone who trusts me
I have tried to fall when I could stand
I have only loved the ones who love me
Hosanna, hosanna

Oh hosanna
See the long awaited king come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Come and tear the temple down
Raise it up on holy ground
Hosanna, hosanna

I have struggled to remove this raiment
I've tried to hide every shimmering strand
I contend with these ghosts and these hosts of bright angels
Hosanna

I have cursed the man that you have made me
i have nursed the beast that bays for my blood
Oh I have run from the one who would save me
Save me, hosanna, hosanna

Oh hosanna
See the long awaited King come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Won't you tear the temple down
Raise it up on holy ground
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna

We cry for blood, we take your life
Hosanna
We cry for blood, we take your life
It is blood
It is life that you have given

You have crushed beneath your heel the vile serpent
You have carried to the grave the black stain
You have torn apart the temple's holy curtain
You have beaten death at death's own game
Hosanna

Oh hosanna
Oh hail the long awaited King come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Won't you tear this temple down
Raise it up on holy ground now
Oh hosanna
I will lift my voice and sing
You have come and washed me clean
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna


Hosanna.

I found this letter, after quite a number of years. It was addressed to a few people. The letter-writer said other people were "sociable", had "a heart of gold" or a "wonderful personality", but this was for me:

Abigail, we've had a lot of arguments haven't we? Especially about religion. I must say that religion governs yours own personal life. It is your personal relationship with your god, though it does not govern the lives of the people who surround you. I must be quite the heretic, but its who I am. You may believe that you have found the answers in life, but I'm not satisfied with the ones I have. I am still searching for them, and that's just who I am. I will always be who I am, and no one can change me, though many have tried. I have views about the world around us, and though you may think they are wrong, they are still my views.

I had forgotten this had even existed. I don't know whether I should smile because I had the courage to talk about God, or cry because I sound like I was a legalistic Pharisee. Full of truth, but little of the grace. 

 

And were we friends? Friendship is something that I still find difficult. There are the good things, delightful things, of course. But I wrote this in my journal not too long ago.

Friendship is like putting yourself at risk of a slow death every day.

Any relationship in which you love is the same. But it is worth it?

 

I wish I could put a full stop behind that previous sentence all the time.

 

I recently heard a message on why we should have friends (by friends I mean real friends, not people you simply smile at) on what it means to be a friend. Two things (out of many) I remember: 

You should have friends who don't think too highly of you.

 

When I have to choose between you and me, I would choose you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 (NIV).

One thing I find hard about friendships is that they change, and if they grow intense and precious it usually means that they will become less so, with all the attendant misery of missing the friendship in that form. And then, time also makes things grow and die. Ah, one more thing from the sermon: friendships are based on something common, and the only thing that lasts forever is God. Not football teams, not classes, not working environments. 

And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them
- Friends, Michael W. Smith and Deborah D. Smith

(The friendship message was from the podcast of breakawayministries.org, and based on the friendship of David and Jonathan). Other podcasts I have been listening to (doesn't mean I endorse them) include sermons from lifechurch.tv and marshillchurch.org.

 

On a less serious note, it's kind of fun to see my cousins start to like movie stars and TV shows and music groups. I never was really into the boyband/teenybopper thing; I guess my music has been confined to oldies and country and CCM for quite a long time now.

 

But I watched quite a lot of TV, especially in secondary school. I would watch three nights a week: JAG, 24 and CSI.

 

*frivolity this-is-not-the-way-you-usually-see-me alert*

 

Maybe I only watch TV for the stars, especially JAG, which descended into a soap opera ridiculousity from season 3 onwards, so it wasn't really intellectually beneficial. At least 24/CSI has some educational benefit. When I first saw the ads for JAG, I said to myself, "God did a really good job making him."

 

The way I see it, since you can't know their real selves, you evaluate them in the few ways you can, like looks. That's a major factor in how I choose clothes,shoes and American Idol favourites, too. :)

 

But not friends.

If you don't know who Bella Swan is, you probably aren't a teenage (or slightly older) female who has gone ga-ga over Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I read the first, second and two-thirds of the fourth book on the first day of Chinese New Year (okay, I had to sleep at 2am to do that) and I have to say that it isn't really worth the hype. I didn't find it very interesting (even though I usually like fluffy books with happy endings). But what I do remember is the fact that practically every time Bella (the heroine) sees/exists in the presence of the guy she likes (Edward, who happens to be a vampire), she forgets how to breathe.

And that's what I forget to do. In lab. Because we're having problems with DNA contamination for my experiments, I have to be careful not to spit/spray/cough/sing/talk while I'm doing my experiments or I could contaminate my whole plate of tubes. So, sometimes while I'm doing my experiments, I realise that I hold my breath.

Other than lab, I've been on Twitter! It made me think about how much we're used to constant communication nowadays: Twitter, Facebook, smses, email, blogs, even phone calls. And even letters are delivered so much faster than they used to be. What would it be like to be living in a time where people travelled to other countries by boat. And took weeks to receive and reply each other's letters. Now we're irritated if we don't get a repy in a day. And sometimes you have to think which is the best way to say something. Face-to-face? Phone call? Status update?

But options can be quite fun.

I also watched a movie! Push, with Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning. Which was suprisingly enjoyable for campy loophole-plenty sci-fi. "His head will POP like a tomato," in a very bad Hong Kong accent. Better than Bride Wars. Or Becoming Jane. The people in the show have superpowers like telekinesis ("movers") and seeing into the future ("watchers"), but the most interesting and powerful one was to be able to put thoughts in other people's heads. Which means you don't know what is yours and what is not.

Hmm, sometimes I'm not sure if it was real or just a dream.

I know I haven't been blogging much, but here's just a bit that I thought I should do, since I sometimes think I whine too much:

10 things I thank God for (in this season... family and the like's a given)
-(idea from Jimmy Needham's MySpace Blog (Kris Allen reminds me of him.)):

1. The people who are in my lab. They are friendly and give me, the newbie, helpful advice.
2. Andrew Peterson. Seriously good stuff.
3. The running trail at the reservoir. One of the prettiest places here, I think.
4. The Assistant Sunday Service Manager
5. Emily of New Moon
6. New clothes and shoes
7. People who still want to be my friends. I'm surprised I'm still making new lasting friends.
8. Twitter
9. Yoghurt, maple pecan granola and lemons
10. Amusement in the world around me. Exhibit A (seen in the hospital washroom):
    

Okay, I cheated. There were sub-things. :) But I challenge you, if you have a blog, or write Facebook notes, just to write down 10 thing you are thankful for. Even the little things. Especially.

Time to clean up my room. I'm not sure where some of my clothes are any more.