I signed up for a 10K and and 15K run and they took place on consecutive Sundays. I was quite pleased with both runs.

After the 15K, as I was milling about in the cool-down area, an older woman (as in, 30s?) came up to me and said that I was an inspiration to her. And she was a stranger, so I was rather taken aback, and she hurriedly explained that my long plait was easy to spot and she had basically followed it for the entire race- so I had helped her run her race. Or rather, my plait had. (Her bib had the name jennychui on it.)

I think she was rather lucky to pick a person who runs at a more-or-less steady pace- and that I'm not one of those runners who sprints like crazy till they're tired, then they walk... and repeat. (Not knocking the run-walk people- those people are in a different category).

Like life? What, if going through our lives, we manage to help other people. Some consciously, of course, but maybe there are people who are travelling in the same direction, but need a little boost, a little inspiration, and look to us, and they see something that keeps them moving towards the goal, towards the prize. And not because we put out signs that said, "Follow us!" but because the we had something that made us noticeable- in a good way.

I had been thinking about cutting my hair (really, there seems to be a threshold length my hair has crosses, and people suddenly start mentioning my hair; the other day, the supermarket security commented on it and then walked away). And if I had, she would have had a different race. Hopefully she'd have found some other way to keep her motivated.

So I was good for her, in her race, to keep her going. And that's what I hope to be to people. That I help them move in the right direction, and don't confuse them.

So whoever you are, I hope I'm good for you.

Also, I'm doing this 13-week church course called "Disciple's Prayer Life: Walking in Fellowship with God", where we learn more about prayer. It's one of those with 5X a week homework. One of last week's assignments was to write your own Psalm 23 (making a point about how we are all unique before God). Since we aren't familiar with the sheep-shepherd lifestyle, we could frame our relationship with God in other ways. The example in the book was "The Lord is my Professor..."

Since I'm not exactly inundated with work, I conjured up three versions, following the template pretty closely. But you must note, I'm not familiar with being a chef or with hiking across mountains, so that might defeat the purpose of the exercise. Quite cheesy, but it could be your amusement for the day. Sorry for the inconsistent capitalisation and punctuation.

ONE.

The LORD is my Sunday Service Manager, I shall not lack a plan.

He has given me a role in the service

And the sound room to hide in when I'm tired,

 

he restores my sanity.

He wakes me up early on Sunday mornings

For his name's sake

 

Even though there are

Sundays where things get into an uncontrollable mess

(where is the announcer? And why did the monitors suddenly go off?)

I will stay calm

For you are with me

The training and the knowledge you've given

 Will keep me in good stead.

 

Your message still gets through

In the presence of incessant feedback

You pour out your Spirit still

And the people respond to your overflowing love

 

Surely you make everything work out in the end

Every single service

And I will serve the LORD in his house

Forever.

 

TWO.

The LORD is my trail guide, I shall not want direction.

He leads me to views of majestic mountain vistas,

And we run along clear, running streams,

 

And the beauty of world speaks to my soul.

He leads me down the right paths

I cannot help but speak good of him

 

Even though we cover treacherous ground, and sometimes I lose sight of him,

I'm not afraid of losing my way

Because you are always paving the way for me

Your map and your compass,

They orient me.

 

You provide me water and food

When I am weary and parched

You hand me an oatmal cookie on the trail

The crumbs spill out of my mouth

 

The trail has been well-marked out for me

For every single day that I am to be on it

And I will follow it to the age to come.

 

THREE.

The LORD is my head chef, I shall not lack knowledge on how to cook.
He gives me a well-equipped station,
with a stove and a sink,

 

he keeps me calm.

He teaches me good fundamental techniques
for his name's sake.

 

Even though I work
in a chaotic, steamy kitchen with too many orders and too few cooks,

I am not afraid of the challenge,

Your recipes and the presence of other kitchen staff,

they assure me.

 

You prepare a table before me

In the presence of demanding customers

You drizzle my desserts with a flourish of chocolate sauce

The exclamations of satisfaction make my heart burst with happiness

 

Surely balanced flavours and nutritional value will characterise my food

Every day that I cook

And I will work in the kitchen of the LORD

Forever.

 

The thing about doing not much, is that you don't get too much to think about. But there was a newspaper feature not too long ago that reminded me of something.

The story was about how 2 journalists had posed as a fighting couple in four  (?) venues, the man abusing the woman, pulling her hair and treating her violently. The report mentioned that most local people didn't interfere, and when people finally intervened, all but one were expatriates. Now, isn't that sad? Don't we have enough moral courage in us to defend someone being abused?

But then, I think, what would I have done? Plus, it does make a difference that I'm a girl, right? I wouldn't be able to physically restrain the guy, and is it serious enough to warrant dialling the emergency number? Ask another passerby to do something?

But then, I remember, I didn't do anything. It was a year or two ago, maybe, and I was taking the train back from church, and there was this man and a girl, probably his daughter, of primary school age, and a younger boy, sitting across from where I was standing. The father was scolding his daughter, saying she was bad and worthless and she was crying in the corner seat. Now, everyone in the carriage felt bad- but what would we do?

Then he took her head by the hair and rammed her head into the plexiglass divider with a loud thud. 

For a second, I'm not really sure I believed it happened. I did think about doing something, going up to the father and saying you shouldn't do that and then I thought about what would happen after that? He'd get angry at me, then when they got home he'd take it out on her/them for embarrassing him in public and it would just be worse for them. It's not like my intervention would make him stop doing something. No one else moved, really, and I think we didn't even dare make eye contact with each other.

So I stood in my corner and prayed. They got off before I did. I went home and took a nap. 

I'd forgotten about this incident, really, till I read the papers. What would have been the right/best/wisest thing to do? Not that I can save the world-

I've also been reading church history (well, up to the first 800 years) because I'm attending a course on early church fathers. What strikes me is how often these people were ordained against their will (or at least, they protested) and how it's the individuals' stories that make for the most interesting reading. Yet their stories are short. Barring those of a few megastars, like Augustine, the lives of most of the other remotely famous people get described in a page or two, even though by anyone's standards, they lived full, significant lives.

Everyone else doesn't even warrant a footnote.

But God remembers all of us!

We are a cathedral made of people
A kingdom that the eye can't see
We're a house, we are the bride
That God's Spirit lives inside
And nothing ever
Can stand against her

-Cathedral Made of People, downhere

I was relaxing by watching DVDs. Actually, re-watching.

I admit, it's not very intellectual. It's the Magnificent Seven TV Series, a shoot-'em-up Western that only lasted 2 seasons. But, since I was thinking about small groups during that time, here's 7 reasons that the Magnificent Seven are like a good small group.

1) It's a small group of people.

2) They stay together because they want to. Not because they want to keep up appearances, or because it's just become a habit. They could leave at any time, but they don't. 

3) They stay together to help other people. They don't look inwards, they look outwards. (In the story they are hired by the federal marshal to protect the town from rabblerousers and greedy ranch owners.)

4) They help each other along as well. When one falls, all the rest are there to get him up and in the right direction. (Okay, they don't always protect the town because one or two of them get into trouble in each episode, and so the rest of them have to ride off somewhere and rescue their friend/prevent him from making the wrong choice/shoot alot of bad guys dead etc.)

5) They are honest with each other. (Yah, so they threaten each other and trade barbs but they say what they mean and mean what they say.)

6) They are all individuals with their own traits but they set aside their differences for their common purpose (see 3). (It's not quite often that a series has 7 leading men... and each one has his strengths and weaknesses. Of course that comes at the expense of some subtlety because each one can be titled pretty accurately- the Kid (the newbie from the east), the ex-slave Healer, the Preacher (Ron Perlman, pre-pre-Hellboy), the Gambler, the Sharpshooter (Eric Close, post-Dark Skies and Now & Again and pre-Without a Trace), the Ladies' Man, and the Man (Michael Biehn, post-Terminator and pre-alot of other stuff).

7) They grow together. (Good thing it's a series- over time you can see that they accept each other more, overcome prejudices and risk more for each other.)

I know it's only a TV series, but hey, learn from anywhere right? And I finally figured out whom I think Chris Tomlin looks like: Michael Biehn. I think it's the cheekbones. 

Ah, a song.

"Wrecking Ball"

Just when my tears were falling deep enough to drown
Down in the valley of the shadow of a doubt
When I gave up that's when He came to lift me out and set me high

When I saw it as a gift of matchless worth
I started thinking it was something I deserved
He pulled the rug from underneath without a word and left me dry

Piece together these little mysteries
It isn't hard to see the writing on the wall
Triumph and tragedy, only God can be
Both the builder and the wrecking ball

He gave them freedom and a fertile promise land
They took for granted their deliverance at hand
Thirty-nine years later they're still walking through that sand
Wondering why

And He builds it up
And He knocks it down
Just to build it up even stronger

                                                     -Jill Phillips; written by Andy Gullahorn

Been having some conversations about being cynical and jaded, especially in the church context. I'm a bit young, I know, but then, I've been in church a while,  been doing stuff for a while, and I know that people are people.

The thing is to remember that God is still God.

Some skepticism is healthy, but there is a line I often cross into bitterness faithlessness. But I don't want to stop thinking, to stop marveling at how God still works everything for the good; I don't want to stop thinking and just be dopey-happy.

I don't want to lose my way.

I found a song:

For the First Time, Again (Jason Gray, Jason Ingram)

I’m tired of the sound of my own voice
I’m weary of adding to the noise
I’m fearful of missing the point of it all
I remember the way it used to be
The way this love felt like the first day of spring
And I want that back more than anything in the world
It’s as cold as winter in my veins
But I long to feel the summer rain
Can you take me back to where it all began?

Jesus I come, I come to you again
Like it was the first time I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again

I’m jaded from all that I have seen
I’m bitter, but I don’t want to be
I’m believing, can you help my unbelief?
Sometimes I think I know too much
But even then it’s not enough
Can you take me back so I can move ahead?

Jesus I come, I come to you again
Like it was the first time I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again
For the first time again

Take me deep inside the grace that forgets
Instead of down the well-worn path of my regrets
I’m older than I’ve ever been
Can you take me back and make me new again?

Cause I need you now, as much as I did then
Jesus I come, come to you again
Like it was the first time
I came to you for new life
I need you now, as much as I did then
I need a new beginning
So Jesus I am coming
For the first time again
For the first time again
For the first time

“God’s redemption plan is already in effect. It’s not for ‘someday when,’ it’s for right now, in this moment. Even when the worst is happening, the seeds of its undoing are already sown. In fact, they were sown the day the body of Jesus, like a seed himself, was laid in the ground.  What took root on Easter is the undoing of the curse, and it is flowering all around us if we have eyes to see it.” --Jason Gray

We have hope.

Oh, this looks like a very emo post. But it's just late at night, and it's only one of the many things that run through my head. I shall go sleep soon.

(Check out this and other Jason Gray songs at http://www.facebook.com/jasongray)

I haven't blogged for a while. No astute observations lately, perhaps, or, instead of saving things up for blogging, I just twitter and update facebook, and don't bother to put together a coherent piece of more than 140 characters.

So they say I've graduated. Funny how this feels- almost nothing. Although I like being on holiday, I can't picture myself not studying anymore for the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure I will eventually start studying again. There is something thrilling about seeing textbooks and reading new information, so much so that I feel a twinge like I'm missing something when I see other people read notes and books while taking public transport. That used to be me.

Actually, until quite recently. After lab ended, I had to prepapre for some standardized tests and I've had to study for them: dredging out math knowledge and mugging vocabulary lists. It's amazing how many words there are in the dictionary, how so many words have different inflections and insinuations.

Learning will never end.

Other new things that I've done recently include

1) Prawning- catching prawns in a purpose-built pond, then twisting off their pincers, unhooking them and eating them salted and barbequed

2) Fishing- catching fish along the jetty, getting their scales all over and my finger all fishy-smelling, and putting them in the icebox

3) Playing with wordle.net, a word cloud generator. It makes really good-looking things that I wouldn't be able to by myself. This was what was generated from the recent RSS of my blog; it emphasis the right things:

4) Watching a Korean drama- Boys Over Flowers, to be exact, because Patty said Carol and I owed her after having her watch Hannah Montana the Movie with us. I sat through episodes 1, 2, 13, 14 and a bit of 15 in one day. It's super-cheesy and hilarious, much more so than Hannah Montana, even with the latter's computer-generated butterflies. Carol and I laughed so much at the sentimental bits Patty and Grace got frustrated with us. I appreciate some romantic movies (like Pride & Prejudice) but this was WAY over the top. Though I suppose it feeds people's cravings for romantic cheese (like Twilight). Who wouldn't want 4 handsome guys protecting/chasing/joking with/breaking the heart of one girl? HM. But I admit that I went home to watch episode 25 (the last one) to ensure that Patty's convoluted explanation was right. She was right: it was convoluted. Otherwise, TV time is almost a novelty now that American Idol has ended.

Okay, so I'm going away for a while. If you want some amusement, visit Stuff Christians Like for hilarious church stereotypes. :) being a PK does have its perks.

I've finished my laboratory project. Now I just await my grades, which will come out at then end of the month. We're assessed based on a 5000+ word paper, and presentations we make on poster day. While reviewing material for poster day, I digressed and made a list of non-technical things that I realised or learnt while I was in lab.

"You" refers to the scientist.

1) Science is not objective.

2) It's quite easy to fudge results, if you want to. Or at least cheat a bit. (Is there such a thing as cheating only "a bit"?) Thus it is important for scientists to collaborate closely, so that there's a higher chance someone will discover you if you don't do things properly.

3) The only thing stopping you from getting more results is yourself. You could stay in the lab all day, and devise new experiments, and read the literature, and never leave your lab.

4) Sometimes you don't solve the problem, you go around it.

5) You can make many different mistakes even for simple things. The only hope for you is that you don't repeat your mistakes too often.

6) It's easy to get caught up in just doing your experiments and not caring about the big picture view.

7) You must manage your time or you waste much of it. It's up to you to be disciplined.

I think much of this could be transferred to any work context.

It's time for this abandon to make much of You and less of me

- Jimmy Needham, A Breath Or Two

I am tangled up in contradiction
I am strangled by my own two hands
I am hunted by the hounds of addiction
Hosanna, hosanna

I have lied to everyone who trusts me
I have tried to fall when I could stand
I have only loved the ones who love me
Hosanna, hosanna

Oh hosanna
See the long awaited king come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Come and tear the temple down
Raise it up on holy ground
Hosanna, hosanna

I have struggled to remove this raiment
I've tried to hide every shimmering strand
I contend with these ghosts and these hosts of bright angels
Hosanna

I have cursed the man that you have made me
i have nursed the beast that bays for my blood
Oh I have run from the one who would save me
Save me, hosanna, hosanna

Oh hosanna
See the long awaited King come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Won't you tear the temple down
Raise it up on holy ground
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna

We cry for blood, we take your life
Hosanna
We cry for blood, we take your life
It is blood
It is life that you have given

You have crushed beneath your heel the vile serpent
You have carried to the grave the black stain
You have torn apart the temple's holy curtain
You have beaten death at death's own game
Hosanna

Oh hosanna
Oh hail the long awaited King come to set his people free
We cry
Oh hosanna
Won't you tear this temple down
Raise it up on holy ground now
Oh hosanna
I will lift my voice and sing
You have come and washed me clean
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna


Hosanna.

I found this letter, after quite a number of years. It was addressed to a few people. The letter-writer said other people were "sociable", had "a heart of gold" or a "wonderful personality", but this was for me:

Abigail, we've had a lot of arguments haven't we? Especially about religion. I must say that religion governs yours own personal life. It is your personal relationship with your god, though it does not govern the lives of the people who surround you. I must be quite the heretic, but its who I am. You may believe that you have found the answers in life, but I'm not satisfied with the ones I have. I am still searching for them, and that's just who I am. I will always be who I am, and no one can change me, though many have tried. I have views about the world around us, and though you may think they are wrong, they are still my views.

I had forgotten this had even existed. I don't know whether I should smile because I had the courage to talk about God, or cry because I sound like I was a legalistic Pharisee. Full of truth, but little of the grace. 

 

And were we friends? Friendship is something that I still find difficult. There are the good things, delightful things, of course. But I wrote this in my journal not too long ago.

Friendship is like putting yourself at risk of a slow death every day.

Any relationship in which you love is the same. But it is worth it?

 

I wish I could put a full stop behind that previous sentence all the time.

 

I recently heard a message on why we should have friends (by friends I mean real friends, not people you simply smile at) on what it means to be a friend. Two things (out of many) I remember: 

You should have friends who don't think too highly of you.

 

When I have to choose between you and me, I would choose you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13 (NIV).

One thing I find hard about friendships is that they change, and if they grow intense and precious it usually means that they will become less so, with all the attendant misery of missing the friendship in that form. And then, time also makes things grow and die. Ah, one more thing from the sermon: friendships are based on something common, and the only thing that lasts forever is God. Not football teams, not classes, not working environments. 

And friends are friends forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them
- Friends, Michael W. Smith and Deborah D. Smith

(The friendship message was from the podcast of breakawayministries.org, and based on the friendship of David and Jonathan). Other podcasts I have been listening to (doesn't mean I endorse them) include sermons from lifechurch.tv and marshillchurch.org.

 

On a less serious note, it's kind of fun to see my cousins start to like movie stars and TV shows and music groups. I never was really into the boyband/teenybopper thing; I guess my music has been confined to oldies and country and CCM for quite a long time now.

 

But I watched quite a lot of TV, especially in secondary school. I would watch three nights a week: JAG, 24 and CSI.

 

*frivolity this-is-not-the-way-you-usually-see-me alert*

 

Maybe I only watch TV for the stars, especially JAG, which descended into a soap opera ridiculousity from season 3 onwards, so it wasn't really intellectually beneficial. At least 24/CSI has some educational benefit. When I first saw the ads for JAG, I said to myself, "God did a really good job making him."

 

The way I see it, since you can't know their real selves, you evaluate them in the few ways you can, like looks. That's a major factor in how I choose clothes,shoes and American Idol favourites, too. :)

 

But not friends.

If you don't know who Bella Swan is, you probably aren't a teenage (or slightly older) female who has gone ga-ga over Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. I read the first, second and two-thirds of the fourth book on the first day of Chinese New Year (okay, I had to sleep at 2am to do that) and I have to say that it isn't really worth the hype. I didn't find it very interesting (even though I usually like fluffy books with happy endings). But what I do remember is the fact that practically every time Bella (the heroine) sees/exists in the presence of the guy she likes (Edward, who happens to be a vampire), she forgets how to breathe.

And that's what I forget to do. In lab. Because we're having problems with DNA contamination for my experiments, I have to be careful not to spit/spray/cough/sing/talk while I'm doing my experiments or I could contaminate my whole plate of tubes. So, sometimes while I'm doing my experiments, I realise that I hold my breath.

Other than lab, I've been on Twitter! It made me think about how much we're used to constant communication nowadays: Twitter, Facebook, smses, email, blogs, even phone calls. And even letters are delivered so much faster than they used to be. What would it be like to be living in a time where people travelled to other countries by boat. And took weeks to receive and reply each other's letters. Now we're irritated if we don't get a repy in a day. And sometimes you have to think which is the best way to say something. Face-to-face? Phone call? Status update?

But options can be quite fun.

I also watched a movie! Push, with Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning. Which was suprisingly enjoyable for campy loophole-plenty sci-fi. "His head will POP like a tomato," in a very bad Hong Kong accent. Better than Bride Wars. Or Becoming Jane. The people in the show have superpowers like telekinesis ("movers") and seeing into the future ("watchers"), but the most interesting and powerful one was to be able to put thoughts in other people's heads. Which means you don't know what is yours and what is not.

Hmm, sometimes I'm not sure if it was real or just a dream.

I know I haven't been blogging much, but here's just a bit that I thought I should do, since I sometimes think I whine too much:

10 things I thank God for (in this season... family and the like's a given)
-(idea from Jimmy Needham's MySpace Blog (Kris Allen reminds me of him.)):

1. The people who are in my lab. They are friendly and give me, the newbie, helpful advice.
2. Andrew Peterson. Seriously good stuff.
3. The running trail at the reservoir. One of the prettiest places here, I think.
4. The Assistant Sunday Service Manager
5. Emily of New Moon
6. New clothes and shoes
7. People who still want to be my friends. I'm surprised I'm still making new lasting friends.
8. Twitter
9. Yoghurt, maple pecan granola and lemons
10. Amusement in the world around me. Exhibit A (seen in the hospital washroom):
    

Okay, I cheated. There were sub-things. :) But I challenge you, if you have a blog, or write Facebook notes, just to write down 10 thing you are thankful for. Even the little things. Especially.

Time to clean up my room. I'm not sure where some of my clothes are any more.

I know I should be updating more often, and I've been relatively busy- going out, going shopping, but most of all, going to lab. But maybe doing all this stuff means I have less time to come up with the little weird observations I usually blog about.

This semester I'm just doing a final year project and also clearing the last of my distribution requirements by taking Intro to Linguistics.

What do I do in lab? I'm not sure what to answer when people ask, "What are you researching?" Generally I go with something general most people can understand, like, "I'm investigating genes that are thought to be involved in coronary artery disease," unless I know you are a bio student or in medical school, then I use more technical terms like PCR, genotype, allele and prevalence.  

And one day while going to the bus stop, I saw this:

A bald mynah? Or are they common, and I've just been very blur till now?

In church, I'm settling into my job as "Sunday Service Manager" with my lovely assistant Eric. It's not as tiring as leading small group. Our hope is that we have a "smooth" service that is... well... undistracting. My brother told me of this site of a church's technical director, and when I read it I was so comforted to know that there are other people in the world who care about how song lyrics should be aligned, where exactly to put back equipment and all those things that many people assume will happen automatically.

But from there I visited other sites run by other technical directors, and I realise again, that I've got so much to learn. Their articles are way over my head. Makes me feel like an inadequate last head. Sound-wise, I feel like I've been in a rut since I left JC (which is not very recent, sadly). I need to learn more from someone who knows. And experience more.

Oh, I've joined the twitter bandwagon, only I don't know if I'll keep it up. This blog is so sporadic because I think about what I'm going to write beforehand, maybe journal about the topic first, keep on turning the content in my head, and then one day when I've got it thought out enough, I'll write the actual blog post. I might keep it as a draft, refine it, and then add more, or less, and finally publish it one day. Or delete it.

I know I end up talking about music a lot somehow. 2008 was the year of good music for me. So much new stuff that I enjoy and am challenged by. And I'm glad to find that people still make entire albums of good songs rather than 2-3 good songs and 7 filler songs. (Oh dear do I sound very judgemental? Is there such thing as a "bad album" if the artist is really sincere? Topic for another day…) MySpace is a really great place to listen to music! I bought Josh Wilson's album mainly because I liked all the songs on his myspace player.

One of my new favourites is Andrew Peterson, who is also the proprietor of a collective website that sometimes puts up rather interesting essays and recommends other music and books. And whose new album I just bought. I was listening to it, going home yesterday; I must have looked slightly deranged, skipping along in the train station, but then, the song called me to dance. You see, when there is something so good, you have to respond. Somehow. In spite of. Because.

And something else I'm finding out: that to truly get the things that are deep and true, you have to work hard. They don't yield for one who doesn't care about them.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
                                                                   -Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)